New Year's Eve.

So my family decided to go to Seaworld today for a couple hours, and it was enjoyable. I could spend hours reaching out for the mucous covered bodies of sting rays in the Forbidden Reef. After we ate at the New Panda Buffet. Oh man, good food. I hate the fact that I never get to go out on New Year's Eve.

A December to Remember

My goodness, what a month. From dinners, to mean girls, to shopping to parties, this month flew by. This entire week there was never a dull moment. Saturday December 19th I had so much going on. First there was Becca’s Night in Bethlaham. The little kids were so cute but after staying at the census for a while got kinda boring.

My afternoon was spent at Pat & Oscars with Core Team. I got there thirty minutes late but when I did arrive everyone was like “Tracey!” and I felt so loved. Sarah and I managed to sneak away during the White Elephant game to pet these adorable puppies outside. Gosh, they were so cute. What would be a Core Team party without Big Booty!?! So of course, we played and I lost my earing, which I’m really sad about, but then again, it’s just an earing.

Because of Core Team, I was a bit late to the ASB Christmas Party at Mr and Mrs. Jensen’s, but that was alright because there was still a lot of people who came after me. Their house is huge! Their refridgurator can fit like 10 of me inside! That night was so much fun. We played churraides, opened our Secret Santa gifts (where Sara’s gifts had a theme of “black”), played wooden spoons and twister, and just a whole lot. I was extremely weird that night, but it was all fun. Mr and Mrs. J’s house has a lovely view from the backyard, and just sitting out there, watching life pass by, I couldn’t be more thankful for my life.

Then today I went to the American Apparel Rumage sale downtown with my mom! She spent a lot of monies and I felt really bad but at least the 21 items she got was for my dad, brother, cousins, and not just for me. I saw Rachel and Jackie there and we stood in line with each other for like an hour before it opened. But gee, my mom is so embarresing. Like before they came, she was listening to the group in line before us and then she laughed with them! Not a small chuckle but she laughed! Aayaww….but it was great. I guess the events of this week made me so tired that I took a 7 hour nap. Not sure if I want to call it that anymore. From 4 pm to 11 pm I crash while leaning on my brother during the Charger’s game. Then, since he ws annoyed and my bed had American Apparel clothes all over it, I just slept in his comfy memory foam bed. Maybe it’s time for me to go back to sleep…

Hello

I feel like at this point life keep going so fast. I'm going from one place to another, I have another thing to work on, or I just have to do something. It's nice to spend some time to rest and catch up on an episode of Gossip Girl in my cozy bed. I never really liked Chuck Bass that much until this episode. His vulnerability so thoroughly hidden over a hard mask finally breaking through completely made me see a whole other side. Thinking about this reminds me of what the Father whom I went to Confession with discussed about judging others and not seeing every aspect of their life. How can we judge them when we haven't been there? At times, I find my thoughts so intriguing but I can never share that moment with anyone else. When someone has thoughts, from intelligent thoughts to thoughts of confusing indecisiveness, they influence every decision one makes. It was so hard for me to see the real Chuck, which makes me wonder, do others see through my mask?

Yes, I must admit I am one crazy girl, but I'm more than that. When all my crazyness peels away, I am the same Tracey Nguyen. Oh gosh, I absolutely hate that question: "Who are you?" I never know what to say. No words can ever describe who I am, not my ethnicity, my beliefs, or my qualities. I am who I am. I am every single moment that I have lived. I am the good child, I am the bitch, I am the student, I am the daughter, I am the leader, I am the follower, I am the happy, I am the weird, I am who I am.

So, can you not see me for me? "Maybe that's because no one has ever given me the time of day to get to know me," as Andrew said in "what is a real man?" Even when I'm with my closest friends, or my closest cousins, I will never fully feel not alone. I don't know if it's just me or everyone who gets this feeling. The level of exposure, of nakedness, that takes to be not alone is too much for humans. Only God can see everything. Only He can see when one word from you can make my day feel sad. He is the only one who knows that I keep all my childhood resentments and feelings in my mind when I'm at my worst. When I hate the past, and when I love it. When I wish for something, and when I do it. I can have the the worst reasoning of all, but my experiences makes me bias towards myself, my experiences through all of my "spheres" as I like to call them, the different worlds and people I am with. Although I love being the loud smiling girl everyone knows me to be, I can't help but feel different outside. If I were to be completely another person and look at myself, I could never see me for me. There is so much dimension that someone else will even know.

These are the things I think about when I'm alone. When I can think for my self. When I can breathe. I'm not saying that I'm fake, I'm just saying that there's this inner part of me that no one will fully see, even when I meet my beloved. Everyone has this part inside of them.

Hello, I hope you got a sneak peak into my soul, the soul of Tracey Nguyen.

Blossoming

This weekend consisted of friendships blossoming in all of my worlds. I felt so loved. Just being around so many truly good people is something to live for. Friday I was fortunate to go to Daphne’s then to Zach’s. Although Steph and I probably spent 15 minutes outside it was nice to just talk. That evening was sooo much fun from dinner to Mean Girls.

I woke up multiple times Saturday morning but decided to skip work day and just keep sleeping. With so many awakenings I’d forgotten to reset my alarm and was late for the Conf. Retreat Team Meeting, and I got so many quotes (which I will share later) hanging in a little corner. In the evening we celebrated Nicole’s 18th birthday, and I must say I’m proud of that girl. We watched White Christmas which couldn’t be better because 1)1940s!!! 2) Music and 3) Christmas! After the two OLP girls left Nikki, Sarah, Vicki, Rachel, Lindsey, and really got to talk. We haven’t spent time together as a GSCS girls group in a really long time and I look forward to another one. I cherish the memories I have with these gals.

And today was Costco samples and Confirmation class. The moment I got there I was rushed into Victoria’s car and then we went to 7-11. Just so random. Pat walked to the car and even told Vicki to get him a bottled water, which I thought was pretty cool, just cause we thought we were going to get in trouble.

I successfully mopped the house but failed at starting my homework. It’s already Monday morning (12:27 am).

I’d like to close with a quote from Saturday:

“Jesus throws us lemons and we have the choice to make lemonade or let it be sour.” -Emilyne

Thankful

It’s been a crazy long time since my last real text blog. That’s what I was going for in the first place but now I’m heading in the opposite direction. Too much reblogging for me. I really don’t like the idea of Tumblarity, defeats the whole purpose of blogging. There should be a word count for Tumblairty. Oh, well the purpose of this text was not to be my rant on tumblr but of my long and wonderful Thanksgiving week.

The start of my break couldn’t have been better. Friday Night I watched random clips from movies and musicals with Julie, Kelli, Matt, and Ankur and later went to the Carlsbad game. Ditched that since we were just winning so by so much and nobody was really a “maniac.” Julie, the crazy Asian lady driver, gave the ladies two wins at the battle of the sexes race to Barnes and Noble and back. I was a little insane that day but when am I not? That night I saw Auntie Cuc at Starbucks with her friends while everyone had a Harry Potter identity while ordering. Who doesn’t love Potter allusions?

The next three days were relatively boring, although I did watch Rebel Without a Cause and my mom enjoyed it as well. Wednesday Amy and Michelle came over as we waited for Cau Tuan to bring our new bed for the guest room.

Thanksgiving was one of the better Thanksgivings in a while. I had a blast in Tiffany’s room with a little kids. Auntie Dung is a genius and had an Arts and Crafts table! So much fun. Glitter and visors and paper and messes. I felt like a kid again. Oh, and sour gummy worms! Yum! We also went to the park that day. 5 semi-older cousins with 5 little ones. Mina, Jenay, and I also had a ridiculous time yelling “Happy Thanksgiving” to Betty and Barbie over the phone while they were across the room. Just obnoxious. :D Later went to Di Uyen’s and watched Beyonce’s I am…Yours.

Black Friday. I’ve gone for eight years now. This year Fry’s, Wal-Mart, Denny’s, and Fashion Valley. Had some issues with a couple people but in the end everything was fine. And I did get some great deals! Oh, and my new name is Quinn according to my Starbucks order. ;]

That night was a major Nerf Gun fight. Can you say machine gun? Let’s just leave it at that.

Cheyenne and I were trying so desperately on Saturday to find a ride to Kamilah’s Debute since it was raining. All went well and I had a lovely time.

Grrrr….the worst part about the break was turning in my college apps. I just fjoaghioehgas. But, although it was so late notice, I got three people to edit my essay and I so appreciate them for that. I got to turn in my applications late Sunday night but got in trouble for it. Oh well, don’t think it will mean much. I just feel so good now. I’m done! I don’t even care if I get in anymore. I mean, it would be nice, and I do care, it’s just, so much less stress for me.

Well, I’m off to continue watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Which reminds me….I need new panties!